I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
