this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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