Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
