well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
