I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
