I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
