I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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