pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
