so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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