It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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