My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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