My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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