She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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