Heybabeimwearingurpanties
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
