you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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