just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
