then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
