ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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