They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
