Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
