I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
