It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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