Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
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At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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