Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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