so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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