Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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