There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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