Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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