He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
