You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
