I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
