i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize