Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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