I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This is the high leading the old right now
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
