I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
