The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
3pm strippers are depressing
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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