Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
