I think im going to throw up on grandma
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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