glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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