God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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