are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
