dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
