is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
