Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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