i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
nutella sex= disaster
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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