Plan B is the new Plan A
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
