i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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