Its about making memories worth repressing
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
