I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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