Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
