I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
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I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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