oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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