Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
