Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
