in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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