So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
