Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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