just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
