Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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