Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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