All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
