Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
