My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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