strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i believe in u and ur pee
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
