Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
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my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
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Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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