My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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