also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
