Your tits are I can't wait for
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
