I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
