What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
