I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize