woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
