Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
