His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
