mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
