ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
