Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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